Somewhere between bills, PILES of laundry and if you are mom of boys- cleaning pee off every surface of the bathroom, we are expected to produce independent, confident, respectful, kind, loving, hardworking adults into this world. Holy Buckets, that is a lot being asked from us sleep deprived momma’s.
Not too long ago, my oldest told me about a run in with someone at church. A situation that he had mulled over in his sweet many times before he brought it to me, I’m sure. During a small group like situation a peer told my baby that he is weird. Dang it, the first real encounter with hurtful words had fallen on us far earlier than I had hoped. It was in that moment that my fully unprepared, short fall filled , low self esteemed self had to say something that bandaged his broken heart while simultaneously building his self confidence. The words that flowed out of my mouth shocked even me… “who determines your worth?” I asked. The intelligent nugget responded with the exact response I was looking for “God”. No single human is powerful enough to determine if you are in fact worthy or not.
I can’t be alone in the occasional internal cringes when your kiddo wears or does something that is “weird”. I want my kids to be accepted & loved , never experiencing heart break for being themselves. I also want them to be confident in themselves, never feeling like they are here to please man. While we are listing lofty, impossible goals…I also want a hobby farm and a million dollars without working …
As much as it often kills me , I keep my mouth shut about what they put on their bodies. Somedays, that means we are going to Target looking like “people of walmart”. Somedays that means that one of my kids wears the same orange shirt every single time we leave the house so it looks like he owns approximately one shirt. Why do I not just dress them & do their hair?? Because: 1) I want them to have a choice. I would DIE if someone told me what to wear everyday. [Scratch that, maybe I would love that. As long as it included my favorite pants, sent directly from Jesus- black leggings, I’d be game to have someone dress me cute… hum…] 2) I want them to be able to experience making decisions as often as possible. Teaching your kids to trouble shoot when the cost is low is ideal. Yes, its just choosing pants & a shirt. However, it really lays a foundation for the whole make good choices thing. Or, so I’ve been told. 3) I want them to feel as if they can express themselves via clothing/hair… even if that self-expression leads others to believe we are homeless with no access to running water. 4) I don’t want them to feel the need to impress others. I don’t want them to think their value is found in having perfect hair or wearing the perfect outfit. Good hair and cool clothes mean nothing if they don’t make you happy.
If you see me in public, all of us looking a hot mess. Don’t forgive me, I am not asking for forgiveness. Because that would imply that I would , at some point, ask you for permission. Instead, be encouraged that my Mikey Mouse, Army, Starwars Ninja Man is walking around with more self confidence that you or I could only dream of having. Because, he is WORTH more than the most precious, highly sough after tangible thing in the world and so he can wear what he wants.